1
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[theme music playing]

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America, look at these books.

3
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"How to Listen to Your Child,
How to Talk to Your Child,

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How to Love Your Child."

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You know why I haven't cracked
the spine on any of these?

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Because the only book I need
is right here… the Bible.

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This is the best training manual
for parents ever written.

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In 2,000 years,
they haven't improved on it.

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There's a lot of good stuff in here.

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For example, Abraham sacrificing
his son Isaac. I like that.

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Moses' mother putting him in a basket

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and pushing him down a river.
That's on my to-do list.

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King Solomon, the wisest man in the Bible,

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said cut a boy in half.

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Now, who am I to argue?

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America, this is full
of good stuff in here.

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I'm telling you right now.

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Oh, listen, listen.

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"The lion's den."

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Hmm.

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Now, that sounds good.

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[roars]

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Just gnaw 'em.

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[trips over object]

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What the…

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Jordan! How many times
I tell you to pick your bookbag up!

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What is this?

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Oh, my God.

29
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A juggling Jesus?
Boy, what's wrong with you?

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-It was just a joke, Uncle Bernie.
-A joke.

31
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So, you think Jesus is a joke?

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So, Jesus a clown now?

33
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People hate clowns.
Everybody love Jesus, Jordan.

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Well, he did do a lot of tricks.

35
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Jesus ain't did no tricks.
What are you talkin' about?

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The Bible's full of 'em.

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He raised a dead guy,
he turned water into wine.

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Those ain't no tricks, man.
Those are miracles!

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Well, then here's my miracle.

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Empty cup. Juice.

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Ta-da! I'm Jesus.

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[spluttering]

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"I'm Jesus"?

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Did you hear that blasphemy?

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And it didn't stop there.

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He said if Jesus
and Superman got into a fight,

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Superman would win!

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Can you believe that? Superman ain't real.

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If I had ever fixed my face
to say such foolishness,

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Big Mama would have…

51
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Let me show you what would've happened.
Y'all pray for me.

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[piano playing]

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Why I got to wear a suit?

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Jesus is wearing his bathrobe.

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Look, Big Mama, I'm an angel.

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Can I go to--

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Big Mama had it right.

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[sobbing] Train 'em up
for the way they should go

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and they should never depart from it.

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Jordan just has some religious questions.

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I think it's perfectly natural.

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Baby, the only question
that boy should have is

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"How can I serve you better, Jesus?"

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And I know Jesus' answer.

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"Honor thy mother and father."

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We got to straighten that boy out.

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I don't know, Bernie.

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I don't feel comfortable
being an authority on this one.

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Somebody got to teach this boy
right from wrong.

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If not us, who?

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Father Cronin, we just feel we're
a little bit over our heads on this.

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[in Irish accent]
You've done the right thing.

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This is my calling,
to lead the wayward lambs to the light,

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to fill their souls with the love of Jesus

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-who died on the cross, bleeding and--
-Whoa, whoa.

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I found it, I found it.
I got it right here. Deuteronomy 21:18.

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Listen, baby. "If a man hath a stubborn
and rebellious son,

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and will not listen
to the voice of his father,

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then shall the father and mother…"

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That's you and me, baby.
"…lay hold upon him,

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and all men in his city
shall stone him with stones

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that he shall die."

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Baby, we can stone the boy.

84
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God wants to stone the boy.

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Blessed be the name, O Heavenly Father.
Blessed be the day, O Heavenly Father.

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Thank you, O Lord!

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[silently speaking in tongues]

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So, you'll go and talk to him?

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Be not afraid.

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Father Cronin is here.

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All right, all right.

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The boy got questions.

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I told him to ask
all the questions he wants.

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Get it out of his system.

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'Cause if it doesn't work,
it's on to Plan "B."

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Let it be written… [chuckling]

97
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…let it be done.

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Stone.

99
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But isn't it wrong to wear a cross?

100
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I mean, that's where they executed Jesus.
What if they executed him some other way?

101
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Would we all wear little electric chairs?

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Boy, the cross is the symbol
of Christ's love.

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The blood and the--

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[cawing]

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[ominous music playing]

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Oh, that's just my friend.

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I call him Satin,
'cause he's silky and dark.

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Now, listen to me, boy.

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You think you're slick
asking your sophomoric questions

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and presenting your fatalistic conundrums,

111
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but just like Saul of Tarsus

112
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who was blinded on his way
to killing a Christian,

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you too can be knocked off
your flippin' horse if you don't watch it.

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Now, what's your question, boy?

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Well, during Communion,
when we eat the host,

116
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that's the body of Christ, right?

117
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Right.

118
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Well, I guess my question is…
doesn't that make us cannibals?

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That boy is as godless
as a pygmy in the Amazon!

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I knew it. I knew it.
Father, can't you save him?

121
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It's not up to me.

122
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Mr. Mac, have you ever heard of a sin cup?

123
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Uh… Have I heard of a what?

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A sin cup.

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It's a chalice that holds
all your iniquities,

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from your first breath to the last.

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The fuller your sin cup is,
the hotter it will be in hell for you.

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Is the boy cup that full?

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I'd start praying
for the boy now, Mr. Mac,

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before he drags the rest
of you down with him.

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Sin cup?

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[ominous organ music playing]

133
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That boy don't respect nothing.

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He don't respect the Catholic father,
he don't respect the Heavenly Father.

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Probably drove away his real father.
He gon' send us all to hell.

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Something got to be done.
I don't know what it is,

137
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but it will be of the biblical proportion.

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It will be of the biblical proportion.

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Will be.

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We were just talking about the Bible.

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Only reason I don't grab you
by your throat

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is I don't wanna be holding you
when a lightning bolt hits.

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You said I could ask questions.

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Now I'm saying stay in your room.

145
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For how long?

146
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Until you memorize this.

147
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But it's not fair. I didn't do anything!

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You tell it to Jesus!

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[door slams]

150
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You see this chair, America?

151
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This here's the pilot's chair.

152
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See, I'm not the pilot in this house.

153
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I'm just a copilot.

154
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See, God is the pilot in this flight.

155
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And I'm gon' tell you why.

156
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When you run into turbulence,
like the kind this boy been causing,

157
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see, I got God at the controls,

158
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and that leaves me free
to roam about the cabin

159
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dispensing refreshing butt-whuppings.

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[organ music playing]

161
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Hey, baby girl.

162
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Hey, I already got a cup for you.

163
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No, this is my sin cup.

164
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Your s-sin cup?

165
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Oh, you heard that, huh?

166
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Well, how about some grape juice
in your sin cup?

167
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No, no, no, no, no.

168
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I got to keep it clean.
It gots to be clean.

169
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Okay. I'm sorry. I'll go clean it for you.

170
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Okay. There you go. All clean.

171
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I'm gonna keep it clean my whole life,

172
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'cause I'm going to heaven.

173
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You sure are, baby girl.
I'm gonna ride your coattail.

174
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Not like that little blasphemer.

175
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Come here. Oh, let's go to heaven.

176
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Heaven!

177
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Oh, that is a great idea
about keeping your sin cup clean, Bryana.

178
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I know.

179
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[sighs] I just wish we could do something
about Uncle Bernie's cup.

180
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What do you mean?

181
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,501
Well, it's just that
he is such a big, fat sinner.

182
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-He is?
-Are you kidding?

183
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His sin cup could be full by Saturday.

184
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What can we do?

185
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[sighs] That is a good question.

186
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Let's see what the Bible says, shall we?

187
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Hmm.

188
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Uncle Bernie, Uncle Bernie.

189
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,400
Do we have a family Bible?

190
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,819
What happened
to the junior Bible I gave you?

191
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,782
I mean, I've used that one and I need
something a little bit more meaty.

192
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Praise the Lord.

193
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Here you go, my ignorant servant.

194
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,335
Oh, this is good.

195
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:05,920
They call that "The Good Book."

196
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,005
It sure is.

197
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:09,799
It sure is.

198
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:13,010
What do you know, America? [chuckling]

199
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:17,098
I planted a seed, and the tree has grown,

200
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:19,684
and that tree is the tree of knowledge.

201
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:23,354
And now, that little serpent
is eating the fruit.

202
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:24,855
Now, wait.

203
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,649
That ain't how it goes.

204
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,442
Well, look at the important thing,

205
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:32,154
is that I led the boy to the way,
the truth, and the life.

206
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,575
Can I get a "amen"? Can I get a "amen"?

207
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,743
Amen!

208
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,745
[RandB music playing]

209
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,789
I don't know if we're supposed
to be doing this.

210
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,124
[dramatic sigh]

211
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:45,376
"And the Lord spake unto Moses

212
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:49,005
that he should separate himself
from wine and strong drinks."

213
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,090
Okay.

214
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:54,552
♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪

215
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,096
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪

216
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,306
♪ The only boy… ♪

217
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,600
You're doing the Lord's work here.

218
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,643
You're saving his soul and his liver.

219
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,688
♪ Yes, he was
Yeah, he was… ♪

220
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,149
This is sinful?

221
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:11,402
Uh-huh. This is vanity, and that's one
of the seven deadly sins.

222
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:14,488
We got to be extra thorough in here.
Cast it out.

223
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,366
Now you're sin-busting.

224
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:24,165
Sin. Sin! Sin!

225
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,833
What's that smell?

226
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,001
[sniffing]

227
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:28,544
Like liquor.

228
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,879
[sniffing]

229
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,716
Johnnie Walker?

230
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,260
Black!

231
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,056
Baby girl, what are you doing?

232
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,975
Keeping your sin cup clean, Uncle Bernie.

233
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,644
By ripping up my prize pictures?

234
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,979
-This is adultery, Uncle Bernie.
-What?

235
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,106
I think she means idolatry.

236
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,485
You know, the worship of false idols.
As in the First Commandment.

237
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,487
Look at this.

238
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:59,325
Dizzy, Duke…
Why are you throwing away Dizzy Gillespie?

239
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,077
Because you call him a god.

240
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,328
That's, um…

241
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,413
-Blasphemy.
-Blassemy.

242
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,334
It was you. It was you.

243
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:10,461
No, my hands are clean, Uncle Bernie.

244
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,421
As clean as your sin cup is now.

245
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,382
Okay, you know what I'm talking about.

246
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,717
You filling baby girl head up
with that nonsense.

247
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,929
If nonsense you mean Holy Scripture,
then yes, it's true.

248
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,472
I filled her with the spirit,

249
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,600
and once you get the Word,
you know, you got to spread it.

250
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:25,768
[grumbling]

251
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:27,770
Lord…

252
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,440
I been thy humble servant.

253
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,735
I don't ask for too much, Lord.

254
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:38,280
But I ask for this one thing,
that you smite the boy,

255
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,491
if it be Thy will.

256
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,831
[piano music playing]

257
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,669
I'm still waiting, Lord.

258
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,630
I don't hear no smiting.

259
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:56,966
Just a little smite.

260
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,218
Am I the new Job?

261
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,720
What's next for me, Lord?

262
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,639
A plague of locusts?

263
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,142
I just planted that lawn.

264
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,562
What's that I'm feeling, Lord?

265
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,938
Is that a boil?

266
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:13,691
I've got boils, Father.

267
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,902
Where am I gon' go get boil grease
this time of night?

268
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:20,448
[Bernie] Hey, man.

269
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:24,702
Let me tell you something. That was
some show you put on this evening.

270
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:27,455
All of that Bible quoting
and that versifying.

271
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,873
I was really impressed.

272
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:31,500
-Yeah, I was good, wasn't I?
-Man, you got a gift.

273
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,669
I could tell you want to serve the Lord.

274
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,212
Oh, I do, Uncle Bernie. I do.

275
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,797
You know, I-I knew that.

276
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,592
That's why I arranged for you
to spend two hours after class

277
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:43,220
every day with Father Cronin,
doing odd jobs around the chapel.

278
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,055
But I don't wanna work in the chapel.

279
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,932
Oh, Jordan, come on, man.

280
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,143
You can't hide your light behind a bushel.

281
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,395
You got to let it shine. Let it shine.

282
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:54,315
That's right.
Like silver, brass or a candlestick.

283
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:56,317
It'd be a lot for you to shine too.

284
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,568
Oh, joy.

285
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,945
Both of us, let's praise the Lord!

286
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,990
All I did was read the Bible.
You can't punish me for that.

287
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,451
Son, it's not a punishment. It's a reward.

288
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,827
Eternal reward.

289
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,245
Yes, sir.

290
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,997
Now, I could punish you.

291
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,874
Only if you did something wrong.

292
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:16,045
Now, let me ask you something, Jordan.
You didn't do anything wrong, did you?

293
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,130
Argh.

294
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,300
You see that?

295
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:22,760
It's true what they say.

296
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,553
The Lord help those who help…

297
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,347
-[thunder cracking]
-…themselves.

298
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,265
[thunder rumbling]

299
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,769
Okay?

300
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,896
[light music playing]

301
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,824
Hey, baby girl.

302
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,410
-Where's your Uncle Bernie?
-In the backyard.

303
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,495
Perfect.

304
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:53,457
Yeah, Aunt Wanda went a little crazy
and bought four pairs of darling shoes.

305
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,126
I have to get them to the closet
before your uncle sees 'em.

306
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,840
[whistles]

307
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,010
-Hey, baby.
-Hey.

308
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,136
Where were you?

309
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,430
Oh, I just ran to the market.

310
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,641
No, you didn't. You bought some new shoes.

311
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:11,976
Bryana.

312
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,436
Well, you got to tell the truth,
Aunt Wanda.

313
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,814
Before you get a sin in your cup.

314
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,653
Bernie, you're gonna have to talk
to that little Mother Teresa.

315
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:29,952
Hey! What are you doing?

316
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,329
Stop, you little brat! I'm gonna kill you!

317
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,581
-[Bernie] Hey!
-Let go!

318
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,458
Hey, hey, hey.
Baby girl, stop it. What's going on here?

319
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,918
She ripped up my book report.

320
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:40,963
She's the one that's working on a Sunday.

321
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,256
That's the Lord's day.

322
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:45,009
What your sister does
ain't got no concern of yours.

323
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:48,345
But Jordan said we all have
to be our brother's keepers.

324
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,764
You know what?
Your brother a false prophet.

325
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,641
You just worry about your own sin cup.

326
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,560
My sin cup is always empty.

327
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,687
You're the ones with dirty sin cups.

328
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,023
Okay, this has gone far enough.

329
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,442
I just want all of us to go
to heaven together,

330
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,694
because I'll be lonely up there by myself.

331
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,488
Can I go pray now?

332
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,115
Go and pray.

333
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,161
[door slams]

334
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:15,497
-Bernie, you've got to put a stop to this.
-I know.

335
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,999
I am sick of her.

336
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,752
I was putting on lip gloss,
and she called me Jezebel.

337
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:23,505
-Lip gloss. Where you get lip gloss?
-Bernie, baby, this is serious.

338
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,049
Where is it?

339
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,301
[piano music playing]

340
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:39,271
Chapel hours are from 12:00 to 3:00, sir.
You'll have to leave. No exceptions.

341
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,691
I want you to get your stuff
and come on home and fix your sister.

342
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,902
I want you to undo the evil that you done.

343
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:46,654
Oh, is there a problem at home?

344
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:50,574
Oh, I think I heard about that.
It's just, I'm so rarely there.

345
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,911
Why, I hear you. Get your stuff,
and your punishment is off.

346
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,080
You swear?

347
00:15:58,499 --> 00:15:59,416
I swear.

348
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,505
-On this?
-Jordan, don't push it.

349
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,517
Now, listen,
I don't want her faith broken,

350
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,477
because baby girl believes, okay?

351
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,688
She's not a heathen like you.
You understand?

352
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:21,814
[grunts]

353
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:23,148
[softly] What's the plan?

354
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,650
[sighs]

355
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,528
The problem, as I see it,
Bryana has to fall from grace.

356
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,655
How are we gonna do that?

357
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:33,617
We're gonna go to the first page
of the Devil's playbook,

358
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,245
temptation.

359
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,248
As the Bible says,

360
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:42,876
"Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone."

361
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,670
Now, if Bryana has a sin…

362
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,256
She can't go around throwing stones at us.

363
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,549
Bingo.

364
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,051
Everyone sins. Everyone wins.

365
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,344
Now, here's the plan.

366
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,638
[whispering]

367
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:58,726
Okay, gang, listen up.
I don't want you to eat these apples.

368
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,061
These are for after dinner tonight.

369
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,604
You got me?

370
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:06,191
Oh, God, do those apples smell good! Oh!

371
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,609
They look good too.

372
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,445
I bet they taste even better.

373
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,739
There's only one way to find out.

374
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,491
No, you can't.
Aunt Wanda said we're not supposed to.

375
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,076
Oh, I can't resist!

376
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,995
Neither can I. Mmm!

377
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,872
No!

378
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,834
[suspenseful music playing]

379
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,180
[loud munching]

380
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:43,312
Oh, no. Bryana, you bit the apple?

381
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,481
[Jordan] Oh, no. She wouldn't do that.

382
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,233
Then she'd have a sin in her sin cup.

383
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,359
Baby girl!

384
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,904
[whimpering]

385
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,781
Hold on, baby girl. Hold on, now.

386
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,532
I sinned!

387
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,034
[sobbing]

388
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,331
-Uh-oh.
-[door slams]

389
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:08,170
[Bryana] I sinned. My cup is dirty.
My sin cup is dirty.

390
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,798
Now I'm going to hell with all of you.

391
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,884
Sweetheart, you're not going to hell.
Nobody's going to hell.

392
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,220
-But I sinned.
-We all sin, sweetheart.

393
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,597
That's why we ask the Lord
to forgive us for our sins.

394
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,766
But my sin cup is not clean.

395
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,268
Yes, it is. When you ask
the Lord to forgive you,

396
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,105
he forgive you for your sin,
and your cup is clean.

397
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,316
I didn't want a sin in my cup.

398
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,151
I wanted it to stay clean.

399
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,240
You see that? It's all your fault.

400
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:40,494
It was his fault.
Taking the Lord's name in vain.

401
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,580
Using the Bible
like it's some kind of terrorist manual.

402
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,458
There just ain't no hope for that boy.

403
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,586
And now we lost baby girl.

404
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,965
[Jordan] "This then is a message
which we have heard of him

405
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,591
and declare to you."

406
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,176
"That God is light

407
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,804
and in Him is no darkness at all."

408
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,389
"If we confess our sins,

409
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,766
He is faithful and just to forgive us."

410
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,309
What does that mean?

411
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,103
It means, all you have to say is,

412
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:08,522
"I'm sorry, Jesus," and He'll forgive you.

413
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,483
-Really?
-Yeah. Watch.

414
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,948
This is my sin cup.

415
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,868
It's not as full I thought it would be.

416
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,161
Right.

417
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,455
Now, all I have to do is
confess my sins like this.

418
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,292
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

419
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,961
It's been a week since my last confession,

420
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,714
and I have burned countless ants.

421
00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,924
I just cannot seem to stop myself.

422
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,719
I have tried to make cotton candy
in the clothes dryer.

423
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,138
I think I've ruined some clothes.

424
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,266
And especially forgive me
for hurting Uncle Bernie's feelings

425
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,809
and ruining his stuff.

426
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,353
And I also made fun of the Bible.

427
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,439
I shouldn't have done that.

428
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,816
And then there's that thing
I did last week.

429
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,902
That's still going on.

430
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,405
Then I take my sin cup like this…

431
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,579
and all my sins are washed away.

432
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,333
Here, this can be your sin cup now.

433
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,876
It's nice and clean.

434
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,253
So, God knows I'm sorry?

435
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:16,340
Baby girl, God knows everything.

436
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:19,343
So, does He know
I want another candy apple?

437
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,347
Somewhere deep down in that boy's soul,

438
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,390
he knows the right way to go.

439
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,810
Y'all prayed for me, America,
and I appreciate it.

440
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,479
Now I can relax a little.

441
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,691
Ah! Oh, yeah.

442
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,737
You see, Jesus turned water into wine.

443
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,907
Now I'm gonna turn this wine
back into water. [chuckles]

444
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,701
[sniffs] Mmm. America…

445
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,703
cut the camera off.

446
00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:55,462
♪ Jesus ♪

447
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:56,672
Sing with me now.

448
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,132
♪ How ♪

449
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:06,723
♪ Will I find peace ♪

450
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,560
♪ In the… ♪

451
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:13,021
You at home, y'all sing with me.

452
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,731
Pull your chair up.

453
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:16,942
If you're in the bed, and you got one leg,

454
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:18,777
-hop to the television.
-[crew laughing]